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                                      She is

                              electrolytes shivering

                       off winter blue satellites orbiting

                     on ruptures in his arteries and wisteria

                  drenching his senses [clawing] dirt neath her

                      nails, trembling skeletal structures as

                         the stars scream in [unbalance]

                              churning mythology and

                                basking in meteor

                                     showers
[she smiles when lonely things become beautiful]



when asked to describe my otp ;__; cries and i'm still writing about (star)-crossed things
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:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hey there! :wave:

In celebration of 2014's National Poetry Writing Month, I featured your lovely piece in Glory Be Project's daily journal. Have a nice day and keep on writing! :love:
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014

*happy tears* i am honored :heart:
thank you once again dear!
:iconbackhug:
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:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
aw don't mention it! :huggle:
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:iconphotographic-pupils:
photographic-pupils Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Student Writer
A really lovely portrait. However, a piece of minor, unimportant, nitpicking: I don't know if you were going for a visual poem here but another line between the first and second lines would help with the symmetry of the shape.
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014
thank you so much! :iconbackhug: :love:

especially for the advice, i see what your saying ^^
i was  attempting to make a diamond shape out of the word, but i do think another line would have added more balance. thank you! :heart:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
%PoeticalCondition critique

reminds me of a traditional format of a poem... it had a similar type of approach. Its called a nonet.

This is different than that because of it being... palindromic in shape.

The meaning and subtle implications implied by the poem are spot on and have a depth which is truly worth thinking about. Well done.
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2014
thank you so much for the critique :heart: :love:

i'm glad you enjoyed reading :iconbackhug:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:) I did indeed Keep writing and keep posting.
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:iconyuukicross5:
YuukiCross5 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This is beautiful. :iconfrenchwhineplz:

So much emotions in just one line and your vocabulary is huge my dear.
You really know how to write. Lol, I suck at English and I don't know why :iconteeheeneplz:
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013
lol bb thank chu
:iconkissingplz:

ahhh my vocab is much smaller than you would think haha :heart:
you should see me when i speak / like how do youenglilsh haha OTL

Reply
:iconyuukicross5:
YuukiCross5 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Hehehe your welcome~ :iconshoujosmileplz:

Hahaha mine is way smaller~  
Hahaha my english is terrible as well. It is
just sad:iconmiseryplz:
Reply
:iconrikstal:
rikstal Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
this sounds really surreal..it reminds me of surreal paintings combining beauty and macabre ..for example, a beautiful girl surrounded by skeleton
the stars screaming...i think it would sound so scary :iconthescreamplz:
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013
woahhhm ;__;
"surreal paintings combing beauty and macabre" just my type actually ... LOL

i think it would be beautiful :heart: or maybe that's just me because i also think 
sad things are beautiful / my heart is so twisted / cries
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:iconjaderiverjr:
JadeRiverJR Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
sobbing bc how to write like this why can't they teach this at my school how to write uguu ;w;
it's beautiful ♥
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013
sobbing with you :heart: why are you so precious /sniffs

you should write something dear, i would love to read it :iconbackhug:
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:iconjaderiverjr:
JadeRiverJR Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm not precious you are precious~ ♥

maybe I'll try to complete my writing drafts, I always doodle and scribble in my notebooks~ (and thus my graphics are often born~) :D
don't expect much though~
Reply
:iconmondlichtfalter:
Mondlichtfalter Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
it sounds awesome :iconloveloveplz:
there's so much emotion in this one single sentence.

do I understand it right if he sees the night-sky in her?
She is electrolytes and satelites for him and they make his blood..boil/shiver/alive?
and she smells like wisteria
and they both listen to the night sky that presses down on them screaming everything it is at them, drowning them in its mythology?

I need to get better in English, so I understand it better^////^
But even though I don't understand everything I still feel the strong emotions you convey with your poems!!
Reply
:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013
thank you so much hun :heart:

yup :love: their starcrossed love overwhelms the universe and its balance, in a sense,
its the way i would like to picture them

this was actually based off a story i wrote for a contest, www.asianfanfics.com/story/vie…
it makes a little more sense when all put together, so sorry for the confusion. :hug:

your english is great ~ i'm really impressed, because i have difficultly learning other languages
(though my japanese is slowly, slowwly improving haha :heart:)  
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:icondorroaker:
dorroaker Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Student General Artist
lovely
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013
thank you so much :heart:
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:iconsilverdoomofparis:
silverdoomofparis Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013
Again a great artcraft ^^ I really like short poems like this, when a few words smartly selected are abble to put the reader on the alchemy and the magic of the sensations you want to describe.
...basking in meteor showers... and born in a crossed-fire hurricane ? ^^
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013
wow thank you! :heart:
akdlfsk your comments, reallly they are just so sweet i want to bottle them up & take them home lol :love:

and that's just what i love about writing, poetry especially, the way words work together to evoke emotions that were never there before :iconbackhug:
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:iconsilverdoomofparis:
silverdoomofparis Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013
^^ akdlfsk ? What does it mean ? lol I dun know this
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013
oh haha :heart:

its kind of like chatspeak, for example people type random letters (akdflskald) to express their frustration or excitement


sorry, i'm not too good at explaining these things but i hope that clarified a bit :love: 
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:iconsilverdoomofparis:
silverdoomofparis Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013
Ah ! Oki lol in fact that doesn't mean nothing ^^
Thanks for the clarification :)
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:iconmeiikkuma:
meiikkuma Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

holy dfjknsdjfnv :heart:

I sob once again my dear~

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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013
/sobs with you quietly

hold me dear before my feels consume me ... LOL :heart:
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:iconmeiikkuma:
meiikkuma Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

LOL XD //holds you tightly

dooon't worry bb. Olive is here ok :heart:

lolol xD

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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013
aww :heart: thank you so much!
this means a lot to me :love:
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconopendoodler732:
Opendoodler732 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Student General Artist
I love your literature. Yay! So much thought and emotion. So much astronomical references. Amazing! :heart: You should like enter a poetry contest! You would totally win. You are original, sort of a Shakespeare themed person (Of course in your own way. You are more interesting to read...:iconfoxxdplz:), and talented with words (and a camera. :D). Anyways, after just dreaming for you, I can really feel this sentence. You know? ^^; Haha, another magical job!
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013
:iconbackhug: asjdklfs i'm going to try some poetry scholarships, i don't know if  that is aiming too high though XD  

thank you bby :heart: oh gosh, that is such a kind comment & i will just keep it with me forever in my heart okay
your sweetness aug, i wish there was some way i could repay you (in cakes or something lol) :love:
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:iconopendoodler732:
Opendoodler732 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Student General Artist
NO! You are not aiming too high! You are at least trying! You are the most poetic person I know, and yeah! Those are my reasons...^^; Anyways, yes, you definitely should apply, and if they do not accept you, they are missing out on a great talented, unique poet! And photographer! And person in general! :huggle: DON'T DOUBT YOURSELF!! (Haha, sorry, I get passionate for you...:icononionxdplz:)

You're welcome! :star: Oh, thank you! I am happy that you are touched! I keep your words of wisdom in my head all the time! And of course, your awesome comments and photos...(I wish I had a photographic memory!) Haha, aww, thanks! No, it is okay! No repayment at all! You are sweeter than any sweet in the world! Even cinnamon rolls! :iconsweethugplz: (BTW, just wondering, have you been helping me get into the groups for my art? I remember you telling me you would, and lately a lot of groups asked me if I could let them post my art in their group (well, you know what I mean...I am bad at explaining...). If you are, THANK YOU!!!) ((Unless, they randomly found me...I don't know!!!!! :faint:))

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:iconourbraveheroine:
OurBraveHeroine Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013   Writer
This is amazing :D every word is beautiful and perfect :heart:
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013
ajdkflsd, you are the kindest soul ever :heart:
thank you so much for reading & leaving back such kind feedback 
:iconbackhug:
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:iconourbraveheroine:
OurBraveHeroine Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013   Writer
You're welcome!!! :D :hug:
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:iconcreativelycliche:
creativelycliche Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Professional Writer
"She is electrolytes shivering off winter blue satellites"

Beautiful. Really good work.
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013
/cries. thank you for your kind feedback, truly :heart:
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:iconvainamoinenian:
Vainamoinenian Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I really enjoyed reading this long sentence, the flow took me along till I reached the last perfect phrase - "basking in meteor showers" - it's just too beautiful to imagine! Although i didn't get why did you put the words "clawing" and "unbalance" in [brackets] :)
I like the shape you put this in. At first I associated it with a heart, but now I wonder if it's something more like a jar of precious and pretty words :D beautiful.
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:iconskygazing:
skygazing Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013
thank you for reading ! :heart: ajkdlfsd, the flow is actually what i like about this piece myself so i'm happy you felt the same way :love:

i put "clawing" and "unbalance" in brackets to bring emphasis and a pause in the sentence as well as set them apart from the rest of the poem
sorry, its more of a stylistic habit as well, i can't seem to write without using brackets anymore, 
hope you don't mind :iconbackhug:


ooh a heart works too! :heart: i was thinking more of a diamond, to symbolize something precious and rarely obtainable 
but (almost bitterly) beautiful from afar, if that make sense

thank you so much for your words & analysis, much appreciated! :heart:  
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:iconvainamoinenian:
Vainamoinenian Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, dear, you're very welcome! :) And brackets are perfectly ok with me, write however you wish, it's marvellous either way. I was just curious if there was something more hidden behind it ;) 
Yeah, it surely can be a diamond, I wonder why I didn't think of it immediately :) A heart, or a diamond - it's a sweet work! 
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